Depression In Marriage (Jewish Counseling Discussion)

At times, it becomes clear to me that I do not always understand how my marriage works. Recently, I can still feel something wrong with our relationship that we entirely avoid discussing. I know for a fact that it is not about our busy schedules. I’m Jewish, and she’s catholic, and I believe our different religions have nothing to do with that unwanted feelings either. It is more like our struggle with mental health issues that we often ignore because we don’t consider them necessary.

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My Wife Feels So Insecure

For the last years that my wife and I have been together, I have always supported what she wanted to do. Whenever she wants to go out with friends, I often allowed her to spend time with her girls. But a few weeks back then, I was confused as to why she does not want to go out anymore. I kept asking her why she doesn’t feel like leaving the house, nor did she want her friends to visit her. Maybe my wife was trying to give herself some time to focus on doing some other stuff she wanted. But then weeks passed, and she became more isolated.

I instantly thought there was something strange with my wife’s sudden changes, and I was never wrong. After a week of observing her, I noticed that she was not trying to take care of herself. She kept all her beautiful clothes in the attic and only retained those she comfortable wore every day. I asked her why she was so adamant about throwing away some of her beautiful dresses, and she just answered, “I couldn’t use them anymore.”

Hearing my wife’s reason broke my heart, but I continued to comfort my wife and told her she could tell me anything was bothering her. Then she broke down and cry and said that she was feeling so sad and insecure. She felt like her life is miserable and finds it hard to focus on the good things in her life. My wife’s insecurities put her in a state where she thought of everything around her so negatively.

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The Marriage Struggle With The Mental Illness

I thought it was just her moments of tantrums, and I purposely ignored it because I found those sentiments a little too stupid. But then days went by, and her anxiety and depression grew unexpectedly. My wife became more sad and lonely, and it seemed like there’s nothing left to make her happy. She ignored doing the things she once loved, and I knew from there that her mental health condition is not okay anymore.

With all the sudden changes I noticed in her, I suggested that she should seek professional help. But she was hesitant and thought that I was only trying to make her visit a specialist because I thought she was a crazy person. I couldn’t find the exact words to explain how much I wanted her to feel better. Because every time I try to help my wife, she would take my words and actions offensively.

There’s a time that it even came to a point where she blamed me for being Jewish. She was so furious that I couldn’t do anything to help her with all the frustrations, loneliness, and anxiety she has to deal with. And honestly, the more my wife became so unreasonable, the harder it was for me to assist her with her needs. I, myself, was becoming a different person too. I became more agitated, and I worry, which is not the usual thing I do.

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The Meaningful Conversation

It was about time that I told my wife that this chaos has to end. I asked her to sit with me and talk about how we were continually ruining our marriage. In the first few seconds, we were both in search of what right words to say. But then, after a couple of minutes, we finally discussed the damaging effects of the changes that happened to us recently.

With my wife’s insecurities, I ensured her that things would not change. She doesn’t need to change herself to please anybody. She only needs to love herself as much as she can. As for me, I will continue to have patience while my wife is in the process of mentally and emotionally healing herself. I did not make a promise to always be there for her. But I ensured her that her mental state battle is not hers alone. As a husband, I am committed to helping my wife with all the best I can. I may not provide her answers to her questions, but I will never let her destroy herself mentally and emotionally. I will stick with her through her overall full recovery.