This is Part 2 of the blog about Jewish parenting styles that will make teens ready for their adult life.
Avoiding Unnecessary Punishment
The teachings of the Torah will guide us also with regards to the proper way of doing punishments our children. While it is commendable to correct one’s ill behavior, it is still needed to be done with utmost care. “The most effective way to teach kids is our modeling, and to treat them the way we want them to treat others: with compassion and understanding,” Laura Markham Ph.D. says. There should be a detachment of negative feelings when you are punishing because the primary purpose is to correct the attitude and not to hate the person. The most effective way of reprimanding teenagers should come from the heart. Remember, it is criticizing the behavior, and not him as an individual.
Controlling Your Rage
As stated above, it is a time of transition, so it will often be very challenging and frustrating. It will surely bring out your inner rage, but as a parent, you must not let it happen. Control, if you must. The best method is to recollect yourself first, stop for a while, analyze the situation, and respond respectively, according to the circumstance. This is a proven technique to minimize unwanted burst of emotions and to preserve the dignity of your child. “Anger management classes may help, for starters. Also, energy therapists who do techniques like Body Code and Emotion Code may be able to turn off the anger tendency altogether,” Susan Heitler Ph.D. suggests.
The Torah teaches us to choose your battles with your children. Constant nagging on all their childish behaviors can lead to a destructive parent-child relationship. We all don’t want this to happen. Once the connection has been severely damaged, it may be complicated to repair it. Talmud recommended to use the non-dominant hand for the punishment, and the helping hand should be done by the dominant one. Try your very best to control your tongue when speaking to your teen.
Making Allowances For Growth
When a child physically and emotionally grows, there will also be changes with their behavior, by the observation of Jewish traditions. Some will exhibit resistance, and it may be hard to swallow that they are distancing themselves to some of the practices. Parents need to be careful in their actions so as not to trigger complete avoidance of the teachings. Even at times like these, parents are the one to adjust with that revolving attitude of their children and to shower them more of affection, love, and understanding. Marilyn Price-Mitchell Ph.D. says that, “Making mistakes is part of how kids are challenged to learn to do things differently. It motivates them to try new approaches.”
There will inevitably come a time that children will break away from their parent’s nest. For them to grow and face to the world, you need to unclip their wings. The timing may be very crucial to know when but overcoming this trial will yield positive results. It is understandable the feelings of grief during this stage. After all, everything you teach and not teach them will reflect on their future endeavors.
Advising Them Not To Forget Where They Came From
The best value a Jewish parent can offer is religion. The parents should exhaust ways to involve their children to Jewish undertakings. The chances that the younger generation will enjoy that religion depends on the positive reinforcement not just from the parents, but also from the Jewish community.
Hopefully, the blog this week and last week have shed some light on how we must parent our children.